“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:5-6
By the time you read this, several circumstances in my life will have worked out one way or another, but as I sit here writing this today, that is not the case. I’m in a waiting period, on the verge of changing seasons of going back to work, a new school for my youngest, and possibly a new job for my husband. If you’re anything like me, change is hard. Waiting is hard. I hate the tension of knowing that there will be answers and new routines soon, but I also know that I have so, so little control in how things turn out, so much less control that I pretend to have.
It’s kind of a silly picture, but as I was praying about these situations last week, I got the image of myself riding at the front of a white water raft; the rapids are crazy, and all I can do in the moment is hold on tight and pray I make it through.
Yet as I was sharing how I was feeling with God, I was reminded of the phrase from Psalm 13: “But I trust in your unfailing love.” What I love so much about Psalms like this one is that David didn’t gloss over the fear or frustration he felt. In fact, the first four verses of the psalm go like this:
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.”
David was honest with God, and things felt hard for him, probably much harder than what I’m facing. Yet even in the midst of his questioning, David is quick to remind his soul of the truth: God is with him, loving him, and good to him.
I wonder if we can do the same next time we find ourselves in an uncomfortable waiting period. We know change is coming and we have little control over the circumstances, yet we do have control of our own hearts.
Even in the midst of fear and questioning, we can remind ourselves of God’s goodness, nearness, and love. We don’t have to worry ourselves sick because God has come through for us before, is with us here in the waiting time, and will be with us however things shake out in the future. We can walk each day step by step with Him, trusting in His love for us.