The Secrets of Happy Families

Welcome to our Parent Book Club discussion of The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler!

We are currently reading The Secrets of Happy Families from September 2020 - October 2020. Gotten behind on the reading or just joining us? Don’t worry! This page will be available for you to visit at any time.

Reading Schedule:
Sept 14 - 24, 2020: Part 1 (Chapters 1-3)
Sept 28 - Oct 15, 2020: Part 2 (Chapters 4-10)
Oct 19 - 29, 2020: Part 3 (Chapters 11-13)

To read more about our Book Club, check out original post detailing what the Book Club will entail.

Welcome Everyone!

Sarah Brown here to lead you through our book club discussion.

To start off, one of my FAVORITE parts of The Secrets of Happy Families is that Feiler starts the book saying that he is going to give LOTS of recommendations in the book but that not all are going to suit your family. I agree! Choose what works for you, and let the rest go.

I have two young boys in elementary school, so I’m definitely still learning quite a bit about parenting (no expert here!). As we go through this book, I am excited to learn along with you.

When looking at the different sections of the book, we’ll be talking about the idea from the book, connecting it to camp, and then offering some further thoughts or questions to consider. Use the questions as a way to think more about the topic, as a convo starter with your spouse, as a question or thought to text your mom group, or however works for you.

We are going to look at just a few of the big ideas from each chapter instead of every idea. Let’s jump in!

What Children Want (Chapter 1):

The Number 1 thing children wish is that their parents were less tired and less stressed (convicting!). How did this resonate with you? If there is anytime that parents are being pulled in so many directions it is now (a big shout-out to all of our families managing virtual or homeschool right now…#yougotthis!).

Whenever we are planning something new or changing something at camp, we often ask, “What is the best way we can do this that still allows us to really focus on what’s important?” For example: lice checks on Opening Days. When we were changing to our current way of checking heads, we knew we wanted the girls to: 1. Feel like it was fun, 2. Have opportunities to keep meeting the other girls in the cabin, 3. Consider it a “not a big deal” part of the procedures. By keeping these ideas in mind, we ended up making some changes to hopefully accomplish these goals.

So, how does this apply to parents being less tired or less stressed? This is going to look different for every family (obviously). But to start, I recently read an article (but can’t remember where) that talked about three things you should try to do everyday:

1. Take time each day for mindful mediation. For us at camp, that could look like prayer or reading Scripture. Many parents I know work on purposeful breathing (like square breathing).
2. Take time each day to get moving. We love this at camp! I know I always feel better when I take a walk or go for a run.
3. Take time each day to speak thankfulness. This is a big one at camp too, but listing three things you are thankful for can make a difference (as Ann Voskamp explains so well in her book One Thousand Gifts).

Maybe we all just start with these three things? What would you add? And then, using the lice example from camp, what if we thought about one area in our life that is very stressful, and we thought about ways to make it easier or make it more meaningful in the way we were pulling it off?

And, as we’d definitely tell the girls at camp, get enough sleep, drink lots of water, and put down your phone! But in reality, figuring out the less stress thing is a HARD one to crack for parents…especially me!

Agile Families and The Morning Routine (Chapter 1):

So, this is a great point in the book that really connects to camp. Feiler talks about how children need more responsibility and control over their own lives.

At camp, your girls are given a LOT of responsibility for themselves. They pick out their clothes, brush their teeth, pack their own bags, go to their own classes by themselves, remember to go pick up their medicines, introduce themselves to new friends, clean up their own space, remember to take their things everywhere instead of leaving them behind (well…hopefully!). Then, when girls come home, many parents pull these responsibilities right back away from their girls, taking over and doing many things girls are capable of doing themselves.

Your girls are VERY capable - we see it at camp all the time. Feiler encrouages families to give children freedom and responsibility for their lives.

How many of your children clean their own rooms? At camp they do! What about pack their own lunches? At camp, they choose what goes on to their plate. The list goes on and on. I’d encourage you to consider what you need to do for your children and what they can do for themselves (and I am preaching to myself on that one!). With that, you can reap some of the morning benefits Feiler talks about with his morning routine. As an added benefit, you’re giving your girls back the chance to grow in the leadership skills we are teaching at camp, instilling those skills at home in your day to day.

Camp tip: At camp, we have some morning routines that would be really fun to add into your family.

• Starting each day with “It’s Gonna Be a Great Day, and I Feel Terrific!”
• Reading a short devotion like we do at Morning Assembly.
• Laughing at a joke like at Breakfast Club (maybe that’s the way dad can send the kiddos off to school?!)

Add your own family flare, but there are many possibilities of FUN you can add to the morning routine as well.

Family Meetings (Chapter 1):

What did everyone think about the Family Meeting idea? We don’t have a family meeting in our family, but I am intrigued!

I loved this quote from the book: “We were laying massive underground cables that won’t fully light up their world for many years to come” So true!

These family meetings remind me of Friendship Circles we sometimes have in cabins. When you’re living with other girls day in and day out for weeks at a time, sometimes disagreements come up and need to be talked through…enter, the Friendship Circle. Girls sit down and we talk through the problem; instead of pointing fingers, we instead talk through what each person can do better. I love how this connects to the Family Meeting concept too.

In our Friendship Circles, a really valuable aspect is that girls hear their counselor explaining how she messed up and what she can do better. How powerful for our campers to see that adults mess up! It helps each girl to realize she can mess up too.

Relates to your family, doesn’t it? What a valuable lesson to teach your children, hearing that mom and dad mess up, and how mom and dad can also work to improve the family dynamic. I think my children would be shocked by this, as I usually am just trying to correct their behavior!

Whether you are ready to start a full-on Family Meeting, or are just interested in the idea, why don’t you start by adding Highs/Lows into your family dinner (and even including the idea of “one thing I can do better” into the convo), asking the question: “How did you feel close or far from the Lord this week?”, or having everyone say something nice about everyone else in the room (these are all things different cabins do at camp!). What do you think would work best for your family?

Family Dinner (Chapter 2)

This concept is so fun to talk about as it connects to camp in many ways!

First, how great that Feiler points out that Family Dinner doesn’t actually have to be at dinnertime. It’s really about finding that time of connection and making it a “set” thing you do. I also loved how he connected it to traditions…and we LOVE traditions at camp.

As a parent, how can you find something meaningful to do with your children regularly?

In the book, Feiler quotes Laurie David as saying, “I spend a lot of time beating myself up over everything I do wrong. I decided some years ago that family dinner would be the one thing I could do right.” Love this! It reminds me of this great quote from Gary Vaynerchuk: “Everybody has strengths and weaknesses. I’m fascinated by people’s obsession to pour all of their efforts into fixing their weaknesses, which is playing defense, and not tripling down on their strengths.”

As parents, let’s focus on one thing we can do right, and triple down on those things that are strengths already, instead of focusing on all of the areas where we aren’t measuring up (gosh, preaching to myself for sure!).

In terms of a regular Family Dinner type of thing, could you do Friday night pizza and movie night, Saturday waffles, Sunday game afternoon, Terrific Tuesday Taco night…all of these ideas are just once a week, and anything is a step forward! Or, try one of these camp ideas: sugar cereal on Sundays, ice cream sundae bar for a special occassion, or try Taco in a Bag for your taco night.

Or, think about the bigger picture and those once-a-year traditions you can start (and I bet ALL of us already have some we are doing).

Here are some examples of family traditions from our Head Staff…

• Ellen-Anne’s family decorates a placemat with a flower wreath and the Danish flag for all birthdays.
• Laura’s family hides baby Jesus around the house until Christmas morning.
• Alli’s family always burns their Christmas tree.
• Katie’s family has a red plate that is the YOU ARE SPECIAL TODAY plate that you use on occassions when you are being celebrated.
• Elizabeth’s in-laws hide a pickle ornament at Christmastime, and whomever finds it, opens the first present.
• Sarah’s family (me!) dress up and eat a Shepherd’s meal (aka charcuterie) on Christmas Eve to be like the wise men.

My guess is that your family already has quite a few fun traditions, but maybe it’s time to add in a few more. At camp, we have some more informal traditions (such as Deep Meaningful Conversations…aka DMCs…with friends after Candy Shoppe, the Wiener Dog Social, devotions at the end of each day). All of these have the purpose of bringing girls together in meaningful (and sometimes less meaningful, if you’re talking about the Wiener Dog Social) ways that provide lasting memories.

When we plan for fun new events at camp, we always try to “go big” with the idea to really make it memorable. Why not try this at home? As Feiler mentions when trying to write a family mission statement, make a fun dinner and have a special treat. We LOVE costumes and theme meals at camp, but it is always shocking to me how little we do this at home with my kids. Celebrate random holidays (Pie Day, Corndog Day, Boxing Day…the possiblities are endless). Play fun music, stay up late, have a surprise that no one knows about and that will delight…delight is the BEST!

What is one new annual tradition you could add to delight your family?

Family Mission Statement (Chapter 3)

Anyone out there have a Family Mission Statement? This chapter was so very interesting to me. First thing it made me think about was how people describe their families, for example:

• We are a skiing family.
• We are a music family.
• We are a UGA family.
• We are an outdoor family.

How would you describe your family?

At camp, we talk about Godly characteristics and values A LOT! From our “secret of Greystone” (which is unselfishness), to the different ways to grow in four-fold way, to how our theme verse can be relevant in your life, and so on. We start each camp session in Breakfast Club talking about smiling to make friends and our final devotion for each session is about thankfulness. Teaching our campers these ideals is a big part of what we are trying to do.

However, I loved how Feiler explains that your family values are those that you actually DO have, not the ones you WANT to have. So, that was the question I was asking - how do I make these values a big part of our home? How can I start instilling the right values in my children so that when we make our family mission statement, the values we choose are obvious and a BIG deal to us? Those of you with older children have years of experience on this, but I bet any of us could think through this at any time.

One of the best books I read a few years ago about family values was Korie Robertson’s Strong and Kind. She explained that when talking about things with her children, she would say it like this: “The Robertson’s don’t lie to each other; we always tell the truth no matter the situation.” Or, “The Robertson’s always look for those who need a friend, because we are caring.” That example from her book stuck with me, and also reminds me of Feiler’s family idea of “We are Joy! Rapture! Yay!” Those family phrases make them easy for children to remember (and it’s why we use memorable phrases at camp, like Wash, Water, Screen!).

What phrasing or wordings does your family use? What phrases could you start using to really push home your values?

Part 2: Talk. A Lot.

As we move into Part 2 of the book, we get into some nitty gritty with very specific recommendations and details about smaller areas of your life. I breezed over some chapters that weren’t really “singing” to me as much, but then really enjoyed other chapters that gave some great details. Because these chapters can be so specific, and many focus on adult interactions and relationships, we are going to focus specifically on the connections with children and how those apply to camp.

My favorite quote from this entire section of the book was:

“The greatest lesson I took away from this exchange was to have the conversation.”

That surely sums it up: having the conversation with your children (whether about money, sex, conflict, or more) is better than not having the conversation at all.

Let’s dive into the chapters!

Arguing Well (Chapter 4)

Did you catch the part in this chapter about eyerolling being one of the major predictors of marital tension? (Any eyerollers out there?!) I bet there are some parents thinking of their children (and conflict with them!) when thinking about eyerollers as well.

One of the biggest takeaways from this chapter is that you can improve in your conflict resolution skills. By working on how you handle conflict, you can improve how you argue or how you discuss bigger, weightier topics. While much of this chapter is focusing on martial arguing, so many of the concepts relate to children.

Conflict is a natural part of being in close contact with others, and there is no place that forces close contact over extended periods of time like camp! I loved how Feiler talks about thinking through situations from the other person’s point of view; this is so good, and it is often what we help campers to do at camp.

For example, if a camper in a cabin comes back to the cabin and realizes that another camper messed up her bed and left a wet towel on her sheets, it’s probably going to lead to some conflict. While the second camper definitely needs to be more cognizant of her things and doesn’t need to touch another camper’s bed, we try to help that first camper realize that the act was probably not intentional (maybe the second camper was talking and just didn’t think about where she was leaving her towel). We help the girls look at each situation from different angles.

Another great tip we use at camp is the “walk and talk” - this is a skill we learned from Bob Ditter, a leading child development expert that has helped train our staff in past years. He explains that the best way to talk to a camper about a problem is to “walk and talk;” instead of confronting the camper with the issue, take a walk together and ask lots of questions. Often, this helps the child feel safe and forms a more open opportunity to chat about a problem that has come up.

Both of these concepts relate to life at home: trying to see the situation from the other perspective and trying out the “walk and talk.” How many of you have taken one of your children to get ice cream when you need to talk through something? Or even just taken a walk around the neighborhood? I know my oldest is much more apt to talk when we are out walking by ourselves!

Money as a Bigger Lesson (Chapter 5)

How do you give your kids an allowance? Even within this chapter, Feiler provides different perspectives and ways of doing it. Going a little broader than whether you give your children an actual allowance, I loved these points from the chapter:

First, our perceptions leak down to our children. Boy, is this true! Feiler explains that if we are stressed about money, our children will feel stressed about money. If we spend friviously, so will our children. This concept can be applied so much more broadly, and we talk about this often with our staff at camp. I think about this from a Christian standpoint specifically, as it applies to how we share our beliefs at camp. When our staff demonstrates to the campers how to see the good despite the situation, then our campers often choose to see the good as well. When our staff demonstrates patience while teaching a new skill, our campers show more patience waiting for their turn (well, most of the time!). Our perceptions of how we view ourselves as children of God, and how we act out those beliefs, spill down to our campers in every way as well. Same thing in our homes (but easier said than done)!

Second, we are often mistake-averse with our children. Camp is a the perfect place to make mistakes…we often celebrate them. For example, when a camper drops the silverware caddy (and it spills all over the Dining Hall floor), everyone cheers and rushes to pick it up. No one cares!

I can definitely fess-up that I often want to help my children avoid mistakes (I mean, isn’t it better/easier to fix the problem before it happens?). I thought Feiler did a great job explaining (in terms of money) how great it is to be in a ditch with $6 instead of in a ditch with an inheritance of $6 million. At camp, we celebrate mistakes, but often at home, we switch back to being mistake-averse. I love this devotion by Tim Udouj on how we can celebrate our kids’ mistakes…and how that celebration even points them to Jesus!

Finally in this chapter, Feiler explains that teaching your children constraints is a good thing. He is obviously talking about money here, but we teach campers about this when explaining how a relationship with Jesus works. Girls often want to know why they can’t do all of the fun things they want to do if they become a Christian. We often talk about the freedom of constraints and how these constraints then give us such wonderful room to excersie that freedom. Money is a great way to help teach that “freedom within constraints” concept at home!

The Stories We Tell Ourselves (Chapter 6)

In this chapter, my interest was piqued when Felier talks about how siblings often can’t handle conflict on their own (wait, what?!). I often tell my kids to “deal with it,” so it was interesting (and humbling!) to read his suggestions.

My favorite quote from this chapter was: “Sometimes the story you’re telling yourself is wrong.” When I read this, it was like bright lights were flashing and sirens were beeping…this idea relates to camp in so many ways! While the book was specficially talking about difficult conversations, we talk through this idea often during the summer.

Girls often don’t tell themselves things that are true. Jimboy does an excellent job explaing this in his blog about beauty. At camp, we start chipping away at these “wrong stories,” such as:

• I’m not good enough.
• I’m not smart enough.
• I’m not pretty enough.
• I’m not skinny enough.
• I’m not popular enough.

The list goes on and on. We often remind the girls that their only source of what is true is the Bible and that they should turn to it when they are wanting to know what is true about themselves.

It is easier at camp to believe the things that are true (you’re surrounded by only girls in an environment that talks about the true things all the time). But at home? Much harder.

What do we recommend for parents? Keep speaking that truth to your girls! Say things like:

• You are beautiful.
• I love how you do ___.
• One of my favorite things about you is ___.
• I see how you helped your friend and that is such a great quality.

Your daughter may act like she’s not listening, but as Feiler mentions in his chapter about sex, “I pretend I don’t want to hear, but secretly I’m listening.”

Love Languages (Chapter 7)

Well, obviously this chapter is about sex, but I’m not planning to jump into that convo on a public forum. However, here’s two of my favorite things from this chapter:

1. Learn the love languages. Many of you have probably read The Five Love Languages book (which is very good), or even the kid-specific one (which I haven’t read yet). It is great to know how a child receives love (is it physical touch or quality time?) - and during the summer, we encourage our counselors to see each child individually as well (some campers prefer a Shoppe date while others want a hug). Knowing your child’s love languages helps you to better relate and show that child love in a meaningful way.
2. Even if you’re embarrassed, pretend like you’re not. My children are on the younger end, but I can think of so many times when they have asked some ridiculous (or inappropriate) question, and I have to stop myself from busting out laughing! I’m sure it only gets harder (and hopefully funnier?) as they get older. Feiler touches on this same idea when he is giving ideas on how to talk to your children about sex (but the idea obviously applies in so many areas). At camp, our staff makes sure our campers feel comfortable asking ANY questions (and we get a huge range such as: why did God make it so people have to wear clothes?). I need to keep working on this with my own kids - a great reminder!

What’s Love Got to Do With It (Chapter 8)

At camp, we talk about LOVE a lot (I mean, we are a camp full of girls!). We talk about love in relationships (one of our girls’ favorite topics), the love of God, love for your family and friends, and more.

Feiler mentions in this chapter that love is a way of thinking and not just a feeling. So true! At camp, we talk about this a lot (and even sometimes have to tell girls that they “don’t have to act the way they feel”!). When girls are at camp, they often “feel” very close to God and “feel” like they have a strong relationship with him - two things that are very true. But going home? That “feeling” often wanes. However, our relationship with God is also a way of thinking, and we often remind our campers of this. We know what is true, we know God loves us despite the situation, we know he can be as close to us at home as he is at camp - part of it is reminding ourselves of what is true, even at home.

I also loved how Feiler talks about having a love tank. He’s talking specifically about spouses and how your love tank feels full when you are loved, or how you can feel dark and lonely when your love tank is empty. Same with children!

At camp, we help your girls understand that they can do so many things to fill up someone else’s love tank: smiling, helping, asking a question, inviting someone to do something, asking forgiveness, saying something kind, and so much more. I’d encourage every Greystone parent to keep this going at home! Three years ago, we ran a Love Challenge on our blog, giving our campers specific suggestions on how to “fill the love tank” of others. But, chances are you can come up with many different ways that work for your family…especially during this unique season. Add this to your list over the next few months, and brainstorm with your kids!

A Sense of Place (Chapter 10)

In this chapter, Feiler is talking about rearranging your house to make it a great family space (and there were some great takeaways about giving children a voice in this process). However, the one concept I wanted to mention was the idea of having a memorable place that you love from your childhood. When brainstorming how to make his family space ideal, Feiler and his wife asked their kids about a memorable place and then used elements from those places when rethinking their house layout.

What stuck out to me the most was the idea that there was a special, memorable place that each family member could name (which reminds me of our family traditions discussion from Part 1 of the book). I think many of our campers would describe Greystone as one of their memorable places; also, within camp, we have specific places that campers often name as memorable (the canoe dock, the Dining Hall porch). I love that about camp!

What would your children say if you asked them about memorable places (and why don’t you ask them!)? If they don’t have any or have a hard time coming up with one, maybe it’s time to add in a hike you do every New Years Day or a trip to a mountain cabin each fall when the leaves change. There’s still time to create memorable places!

Part 3: Go Out and Play.

It’s hard to believe we are wrapping up our Book Club discussion as we move into Part 3 of the book. I love how these final chapters give some great direction on really having fun with your children while also pointing to ways of creating some backbone for your family (so that you’re better prepared to face difficult times). Feiler says, “If you want to have a happier family, find some of those family members, make some time, and play.” I love that!

Many of these ideas of play and family culture remind me of how we structure our life at camp. Let’s take a look at how families and camp relate in these final three chapters.

Vacation Playing (Chapter 11)

When reading this chapter, it felt as if Feiler was describing so much of what we do at camp! Using play to make any event or task fun and engaging? That’s something we weave into much of the way we set up our cabins, classes, and events at camp. But even though we do this at camp often, it hadn’t crossed my mind to apply some of those elements to life with my children - what a great thought!

How many of you have an Amazing Race type of competition when visiting a new city? What a fascinating idea! I loved the “fun element” of how it connected the children to the location in a new way. Instead of just walking through another boring museum, have your kids play a game when walking around. For example, what if the museum was on fire, and you could only save one painting? Which would it be? And then, which painting would you make sure to leave behind? What a novel way to take what could be a slog of a day for your children (at another boring museum) and instead turn it into something fun.

At camp, we do this type of thing often. Scavenger hunts to see who eats dinner first on Sunday night, competitions to solve clues and complete an obstacle course as a cabin, challenges to see who can touch every body of water in camp on a very hot afternoon. Mixing the play element into activities that could be very normal (or even boring) changes the entire feel…and often the attitude of the girls!

As we’re all facing a different holiday season this year (due to the pandemic), this idea of play could really change the dynamic in a time that could feel disappointing. If you can’t see family, what about doing a virtual scavenger hunt challenge together? In your immediate family, how about splitting the family in two groups and seeing who can spot the craziest Christmas decoration within a 5 minute drive of your house? Why not be “sneaky elves” and see if you can do a kind deed for an older neighbor without the neighbor realizing it? Making the children feel as if they are “in on” a special plan or working to achieve a goal can be magical - we see it at camp all the time. I’m excited to take a look at the months ahead and find ways to add in this element of play into our holiday plans.

Shut Up and Cheer (Chapter 12)

The title of this chapter cracked me up! But, it was also heartbreaking reading the difficulties children face in sports (but isn’t it so true?). Maybe you struggle with putting too many expectations on your children, or you’ve most likely attended a sporting event where you’ve seen parents yelling inappropriately. According to Feiler, the biggest source of stress for children participating in sports is from parent pressure.

At the end of the chapter, Feiler gives two great suggestions that really resonated (and fit for so much of life!):

1. A parent should see their role as one who is helping the child take what has been learned (in sports) and apply it to everyday life.
2. If a child says something negative or has a difficult situation occur, try using the phrasing: “You’re the kind of person who…” (for example, “you’re the kind of person who doesn’t quit, so…”).

At camp, we want you (as the parents) to help us with his first point (and it is one of the reasons we are doing this Book Club!). We want to give you tools so that you can take the lessons we are teaching at camp and then in turn help your child put those lessons into practice at home. How do you do that?

When you pick your daughter up at the end of the summer, she’s going to be overflowing with stories. Camp gives girls the chance to do so many things that are so very relevant to life at home:

• Talking to someone on your own that you’ve never met before.
• Figuring out how to go from one class to the next.
• Knowing how to ask for help when you don’t know the answer.
• Trying something hard, and with some work, accomplishing it.
• Trying something hard, and despite some work, not accomplishing it.
• Learning how to live with girls with many different personalities.

These are just a few of the many skills girls gain at camp. So the next time your daughter comes to you and says, “I can’t figure out how to do this new math concept. I just don’t get it, and I won’t ever get it,” you can remind her that at camp, she didn’t think she’d ever make it to the third level of the High Ropes course, but she kept working on it and finally got there. Or, if your daughter has to switch schools and she is so nervous about it, you can remind her that when she was at camp, she had to meet new people in her cabin, in her classes, at her table - she has had lots of practice, and camp was a success!

Reframing what is going on in life to be seen through the lens of “you’re the kind of person who has done this before and succeded” is fantastic. Camp is a wonderful resource and provides a wealth of opportunities for your daughter to use as benchmarks to see what she has already accomplished!

Doing Difficult Things Together (Chapter 13)

I hope none of you missed the camp shout-out in this chapter: “Summer camps have it right: Color wars are great morale-building exercises.” He gives a big nod to camps in how they allow girls to choose team colors, come up with cheers, make team flags…go camp! We couldn’t agree more.

What did you think about the Goruck Challenge? I can’t even imagine what my family would say if I told them we were going to carry bricks in our backpacks during an obstacle course! But, even if you’re not up for that, this chapter still had quite a few great takeaways.

During the summer, we look at our camp calendar very intentionally, trying to find the right mix of activities that fall at the perfect time in camp. For example, we start the session by having the girls complete a Lip Sync together on stage. We do this intentinally so that the girls begin to learn to work together (girls must choose a song, decide on outfits, figure out a routine for the stage, and more). Then, on the fourth night during our Main Camp session, we typically enjoy an outdoor, cabin-centric activity that while fun, really serves the purpose of giving the girls a chance to complete a hard task together (while also having a blast). This gives each cabin group those next steps needed to really “gel” together as a cabin family. We build momentum with these activities to show the girls that they can overcome obstacles (it’s not easy getting 10 girls to agree on dance moves!), and by overcoming obstacles, they can really join closer together. It’s a magical formula!

As Feiler says, “All families have conflict; strong families have enough communal high points to outshine the low ones.” At home, are we providing enough of that “work together to overcome obstacles” mentality so that when things really do get hard, your family can look back and know that they have overcome obstacles together in the past, and can do it again?

This whole discussion of doing hard things together in order to grow reminds me of his suggestions about family vacations (from Chapter 11) - when you do something hard (or do something fun), you’re bonding as a group, which will pay dividends as you face things together in days ahead. As we’re entering such a strange and unique holiday season due to the pandemic, what a wonderful time to evaluate what hard (or fun) challenges your family can do together!

Thank you for joining us!

It’s been wonderful going through The Secrets of Happy Families together, and I hope you’ve snagged a few ideas from Feiler that you can use in your own family. It’s been fun reading your emails and learning more about what really surprised or resonated with you.

We also hope that you can take these ideas to the next level by infusing them with what we do and believe at camp. Adding in the Christian perspective to some of these ideas can take what was a good idea and really transform it into a concept that gets to the heart of what it is important in families. We hope this Book Club guide has given you some tools to do that as well.

If you haven’t already, what you thought about the book (and if you’d like to do the Book Club again). If you have suggestions on ways for the Greystone Parent community to connect (or resources that would be helpful), speak up; we’d love to know! Happy reading Greystone friends!